Shots of Me

As 2010 putts out on 18, the old Shot Taker gets a little reminiscent about the year that was.  For a decent part of the year you can say that lady golf promised to blow me but decided to use a little more teeth for effect. My plan was to make 2010 “my year”, my big coming out party as a serious contender in golf tournaments. We all know how that master plan turned out.  From a confident beginning, to a near death experience going up a par 5, to a disastrous middle of the season, to a limp to the finish fall, I’m glad this piece of shit year is over.

NOW, C’MON 2011 PUCKER UP!  BIG DADDY’S COMING!!

I have an entire winter to work the plan that the Coach is laying out for me and I will use the cold weather months to reduce the Shot Taker’s body by about a kindergartner. This all points to 2011 The YEAR OF THE SHOT TAKER. I can hear you giggling, ShotNation.

So let’s have an installment of Loose Impediments to close up the book on el crapo and kick off 2011. Just some random thoughts rattling around in the Taker’s head……….

I saw on the TV Guide Channel that the #1 moment of the television year was the Chilean miner story. I hate to admit this, but I really ignored this whole fucking thing.  I didn’t know what they were talking about until a day or so before the retrieval.  I, honest to God, thought for a long time it was in Kentucky. How bad could it have really been for these guys? They were obviously still getting paid for just sitting around.  They were sending free food and drink down there and one guy was training for a marathon! It sounds a lot better than what I was dealing with (except for the marathon training, which had to suck).

So the New York Jets coach has a foot fetish. Would someone please tell me how in the hell this stuff gets out?

We know how much Sergio loves the Ryder Cup.  While it was a nice gesture, and I’m sure it was great for him to be around the squad; wouldn’t you have felt like a douche if you were serving as a “special assistant?”

You only need to see one shot from last year’s major championships. Lefty’s 6 iron out of the pine straw, through the trees and on the green was as good as it gets. It also gave us one of the best quotes of all time.

“A great shot is when you pull it off. A smart shot is when you don’t have the guts to try it.”
                      — Phil Mickelson

3 things that consistently make the Shot Takers old eyes dust up a bit:

1.) Movies or real life stories depicting bad situations for old people. I avoid these at all costs. If it’s a movie, avoiding it is really easy. If it’s real life, avoiding it can be viewed as cruel but not helping is much more comfortable for me.

2.) Movies or real life stories depicting bad situations for the mentally challenged. The Coach hates the word retarded so the previous line didn’t get the laugh that it could have……. but my sensitivity training is really working!  I WILL NOT watch another movie after I strained my whole body trying not to cry for two hours while Sean Penn served Starbucks coffee and tried to raise a child in that movie, whatever it was called. NEVER AGAIN. Sorry, I know you think I’d like Radio with Cuba Gooding playing a dense football manager, but it’s not going to happen.

3.) Craig Morgan singing “Almost Home.”  I’m not the biggest country music fan in the world; but I’m not like Jiggy of the MisHit Mafia. I can listen to it if the song is right. This tune depicts a dude waking up a homeless guy who is sleeping behind a dumpster in a snow storm. The homeless guy was dreaming about being a kid and running home to go fishing with his dad. My GOD, when you start thinking about it, how do we go on?  This fucking guy just wants to hit the rewind button and not be a wino sleeping in a freaking alley!!  I CAN’T TAKE IT.

I will never. NEVER record a football practice, from a crane, in high winds. And you can put that in ink.

You can tell my 4 year old daughter has grown up in the MMA generation. When she and my son were spending some “Daddy” time and getting their first indoctrination into professional wrestling, she said, "Dad why are they wearing shoes?"  "Oh, so if they wear shoes they can’t kick right?"

Speaking of rasslin’ I look back fondly to Saturdays of my youth, especially winter time when we were inside all day. My brother and I used to spend all day either watching or talking about sports, but mostly we focused on the action inside the squared circle.  Our T.V. schedule went something like this.

  11:30 catch the end of Bandstand while eating one of two meals…..two hotdogs with chips and Prarie Farm french onion dip or a can of Chunky beef soup.

12:00 pm Evansville Wrestling. It was actually out of Memphis but it was on an Evansville channel so that’s what we called it. Lance Russell and Dave Brown called the action, and MAN what action.  Jerry Lawler, Superstar Bill Dundee, Austin Idol (Las Vegas Leglock!), Handsome Jimmy Valiant and his brother Johnny, a young Jimmy Hart, I could go on and on. Wow. I couldn’t wait to see who turned bad that week or started a fight while Lance and Dave were trying to conduct an interview.  On a side note, when I was in Memphis a few years back I noticed Dave Brown  doing weather on a local station. A massive career decline, in my book.

4:00 pm – 6:00 pm  World Championship Wrestling When we got WTBS out of Atlanta, our entertainment satisfaction went through the roof!  At the time, this was the Granddaddy of them all. The Road Warriors, Tommy “Wildfire” Rich, Dusty Rhodes, The Four Horseman, and the illustrious Fabulous Freebirds. Most weeks, this was the highlight of the whole weekend. I learned from the great Gordon Solie what a “pier sixer” was.   The feelings of anger, anguish, and turmoil all rolled up into two hours of action. If only as an adult we could get that kind of intense feelings over something so trivial. (ShotGal would say not much has changed)

10:00pm – 11:00pm    WWF.  Thanks to the addition of WWOR out of New York we got an hour of WWF when it was still a local promotion. This is when Vince Sr. was still calling the shots and Vince Jr. was a lowly ringside announcer.  It was good, but not near the product being produced down south. Also this led me to my first glimpses of televised harness racing. Tape delayed races from Yonkers always preceded the wrestling and still provides a good joke when Mook and I go to the OTB for our racing fix. After pointing to the screen one of us will say, “Must be about time for wrestling.”  Ok, it doesn’t translate into print, but trust me it’s a funny moment.

11:00pm – 12:00pm   Some cheap ass wrestling out of St. Louis, and I’m not even sure what channel we got it on.  10, I think. Anyway, it was bad even for my standards. The one thing that sticks out in my mind, though, was it had a very young Randy “Macho Man” Savage and his brother, “Leaping” Lanny Poffo.  There was also some strange character called “The Miser” with dollar signs all over his green tights.  Not much to report on this and quite frankly I’m a little embarrassed I brought it up.

Sunday mornings we’d halfway watch the promotion out of Indianapolis with Dick the Bruiser, Haystacks Calhoun, and Bobo Brazil, but I never cared much for it. I much preferred the WGN lineup on Sunday mornings of:

Abbott and Costello

Our Gang / Little Rascals

The Lone Ranger

The Cisco Kid

These were cool shows for a couple of dopey kids in the early 80’s. That and we were a little punchy from all of that wrestling on Saturday.

Ok, Assholes. If I say the word “shank” that doesn’t mean you are about to start hitting hozzel rockets. Get over it.

Why is it that we as golfers will openly admit, when we are sober, that we aren’t really that good but add about 9 beers and suddenly we are talking about how we can hit a draw around trees on command and putt like a young Ben Crenshaw?  If we could only make a drink that could actually have you PLAY like that instead of TALK like that we’d be rich.

My character on the Wii Fit game looks like a damn weeble wobble.

Hey, I’ve got an idea. Let’s play an entire football season and then decide the best two teams that will play for the national championship. THEN, let’s make the two teams wait over a month to play the deciding game. This will ensure that they will be really rusty and quite possibly have lost a player or two due to bad grades, team violations, or incarceration. What’ya say?

2 things that you must have either one or both of for a situation to be labeled a party:

1.) Cocktail weenies

2.) A tent

On the golf course it is strictly and I mean STRICTLY prohibited from driving your cart near the green when you get out to go chip and putt. Then, why is it that when you spray a shot near a green on a different hole than the one you are playing…… its ok to practically drive your cart on the putting surface? You see this all of the time.

I see where Elton John and his partner have a new baby. I guarantee that you will see or hear someone call this kid his “Tiny Dancer.” Watch for it, it will happen.

Next up on A SHOT OF GOLF……my initial thoughts on goals for 2011

Until next time, Swing Hard Shot Nation!

(And Happy New Year)

“Ohhhhhhh, Cisco                Ohhhhhhh, Pancho”

The Shot Taker

Reading The Greens

1.  DRIVE FOR SHOW, PUTT FOR DOUGH. MEMORIES OF A GOLF HUSTLER


I have no idea who Leon Crump is or was, but he wrote one great book. the life this guy lead is full of wine women and song. And he bet on every damn bit of it.  If you like golf, gambling and drinking, which I'm guessing you do since you are reading this........go get this book.


2.  JOHN  DALY   MY LIFE IN AND OUT OF THE ROUGH

If you thought he was a mess before, wait until you read this.

3.  THE GREATEST GAME EVER PLAYED

I wrote about this in the movie post but I need to  mention it here.  It is a little slow in parts but really goes into detail abou the way golf was in it's infancy.  To think that a little kid caddied for the winner of the US OPEN is, in this day an age, unbelievable.

4.  A GOOD WALK SPOILED

This was the first golf only book I ever read.  Starting with the 1993 Ryder Cup and continuing through the next full season, Feinstein offers a fly-on-the-wall account of one year on the PGA Tour.  He tries mightily to breathe life into extended portraits of players like Brian Henninger, Paul Goydos, Davis Love and a host of others. It was a good read, the thing that I remember taking out of it is that the one thing all of these guys have in common is that they all practiced until their hands bled. Mine have not.

5.  WHO'S YOUR CADDY?

Rick Reilly caddies for a bunch of people.  I don't think it was that great, but I couldn't think of a fifth book.

Coming up in the next few days....The BEST AND WORST OF 2010

Swing Hard Shot Nation....Swing Hard

The Shot Taker

Popcorn Anyone?

The Shot Takers take on the best golf movies....................

1. Tin Cup


I quote Roy or Rome in nearly every round of golf that I play, as annoying as that may sound, I’m sure my buddies would never say it. “Little Gust Coach!” There is so many golf clichés and references in here to last lifetime. So the acting is not great and the story is a bit far fetched. It’s really fun to watch.

2. The Greatest Game Ever Played.

First, it’s true and from all accounts pretty accurate. When they hoist Frances on the gallery’s shoulders at the end and he is telling everyone to give the money to his pint sized caddie, it gets pretty dusty in the eyes of the old Shot Taker.



3. Bagger Vance

Charlize Theron is so damn hot in this movie that I don’t give a rat’s ass how good it is. Matt Damon’s swing is a little suspect and for God sakes, how long did he take to hit that last shot out of the trees. Jeez, get a clock on him. I do however think that The Shot Taker and Walter Hagen would have had a lot of fun together. “Walt, order us another scotch while I get those two hot- ass flapper girls over here!”


4. Happy Gilmore

Sure it was stupid. But there are some really funny moments in this movie and it gives us a brief look at how hot Julie Bowen was going to be before she became famous on Boston Legal and now Modern Family. Be honest how many of you have tried to hit the ball while running towards it. Having Bob Barker kick Happy’s ass was pure comic genius.




5. Caddyshack

I know, I know, it’s sacrilegious not to list this as the greatest thing in golf with the exception of Paula Creamers tits, but honestly, it’s not really that funny. It’s amusing, and has some iconic scenes that I really like, but overall it’s just a good movie, not what it is made out to be.


As a caveat to this list I have to say that I have never seen Dead Solid Perfect. In John Daly’s book he says that this is the best golf movie of all time. I’m going to try and find a copy and watch it to see if he had a snoot full of Jack Daniels or if it’s really that good.



Look for Best Golf Books Tomorrow……….Yes, Assholes, I can read.




Swing Hard, Walter!





The Shot Taker

I wonder if Santa gives three footers?

Ho Ho Ho Shot Nation. I hope you all have put in your requests for putters, fairway woods and that hot new 900 dollar driver that you know will help you game.  If Santa has any heart at all he'll at least bring you  a couple of gloves.

Speaking of Santa. I wonder what golfing with him would be like? First off, you know that deep "bowl full of jelly" laugh would pop out during your back swing. That could be a bit annoying. The fact that he rides a sleigh and a deer instead of the cart could be a bit amusing. But the best thing of all, and I would hope we are all in agreement, is seeing his crack showing every time he marks his ball. Damn, that would never get old.

Great tips by the Coach for the winter time. I have always wanted to get  on a good regimen for the winter so I'm not playing catchup when the ice starts to melt. 

I tried to watch a bit of the Shark Shootout this past weekend but I just can't watch golf during the silly season.  Sorry.

Was that MY Sara Brown that got her LPGA card at Q school?  Looks like someone is going to make plans to attend the Dinah Shore Nabisco Open.  Woooooo Hoooooo.

Alright, my new walking regimen is going ok, not great but ok. Myself,  ShotGal, Mook and Shot In Law entered a 5K that was raising money for something or other last Saturday.  It was fun, even though I cut off a block or so and turned it into my own personal 3K.  Actually it wasn't fun, every damn minute of it sucked and I don't understand these mental patients that run for enjoyment. What the hell are they thinking?  I knew I was in trouble, and I'm not kidding about this one bit when at mile marker 1 I was feeling pretty good about my pace. So I'm jiggling along the river walk and I look over to see whose passing me and it's a 50 something broad carrying her dog. Yes, I said CARRYING HER FUCKING DOG!!  I knew right then and there that my Olympic dreams were over.

Random thoughts from the mind of The Shot Taker:

Is there any more annoying people in the world than the "overly dramatic" college basketball coach?

Watch the 30 for 30 about SMU "Pony Excess." A really entertaining look at how college football was done back in the old Southwest Conference. My favorite line of the night, one booster said...."we signed Eric Dickerson....................we'll that's about all I'm going to say about that." Yeah, it's obvious  his grandma ma bought him that gold trans am.

Good to see "The Professor,' one of the proud members of SHOTNATION at the Evansville Aces vs North Carolina Tarheels last week. Evansville hasn't seen that many Amish in one place since the Black Buggy grand opening. OK, Mennonites, but that's not nearly as funny.

Just finished reading "The War For Latenight, When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy"
A really good read if you are in the mood for an interesting story about television. I never cared much for Jay Leno and this book confirms he a douche bag.

Stay tuned as we get closer to the new year, I'm starting to prepare my BEST AND WORST FOR 2010. Also, Coach, please keep the wintertime activities coming. We need the help.

Until next time......

Swing Hard

The Shot Taker

Winter Practice Indoors

Practice Technique that Pays Off Fast!

If you're busy or don't live a convenient distance from a driving range, or your from Indiana and it's simply too damned cold, practice your backswing at home with a new twist: make your backswing last an entire minute. This technique has been proven to match the effectiveness of hitting thousands of balls.

When you reduce your backswing to extra-slow-motion speed, your concentration and muscle memory soar to new levels. Get into your address posture with your driver, and then start the club back very slowly. The club should literally move at a snail's pace. Take 10 seconds to swing your hands from address to mid-thigh, then another 10 seconds to get the shaft almost to parallel, and so on. Don't just swing to the positions and stop -- the motion should be extra slow, but you should never stop moving. Keep in mind that this is more of a workout than you might think (you'll see what I mean as soon as you get to the top). 

Perform this drill every morning before work, and after a week take your new backswing to the range. You'll be surprised at your results, and how easily your body remembers the positions you practiced in your slow-motion swing. 

Now you have no excuse for blaming the weather on your poor golf swing!!  

Coach

"The ShotMaker"

Slow Sunday

I didn't get to watch any golf today but i was interested to see that Tiger got caught from behind, by that Mcdowell character that seems to be everywhere this year. (with all of his freaky shit, no way this is the first time he's been caught in the backside)   Here's what was in the winners bag.

DRIVER: Callaway FT Tour (9.5°) with an Aldila Voodoo SVS 6 shaft
FAIRWAY WOOD: Callaway Diablo Edge Tour (15°) with an Aldila RIP Beta 60 shaft
HYBRIDS: Adams Idea Pro (18°) with an Aldila NVS 85 shaft, (21°) with an Aldila VooDoo XVS8 shaft
IRONS: Callaway X Forged (4-9) with Project X 6.5 Flighted shafts
WEDGES: Callaway X Forged Vintage (48°, 52°, 58°) with Project X 6.5 Flighted shafts
PUTTER: Odyssey White Hot #7
BALL: Callaway Tour ix

I have recorded all of the "12 Days at the Academy" on the Golf Channel this weekend and through the week next week, hopefully it'll have some interesting tips.

Not much to report this weekend, I've been running around to office Christmas parties and kids b'day parties so it's been a little hectic. I have to go to Chicago on business the next couple of days, so I will touch base tomorrow night with a new post. Look forward to sharing my warped thoughts with you guys then.  Hey, if you have any ideas, comments or bitches, feel free to email us at ashotofgolf@gmail.com .

"Comments" instructions

Well, it seems that there are many people wanting to "comment" on postings in this blog.  I was asked by one of our biggest followers, Robert, to check out the "comment" section at the end of each post.  He told me that several people wanted to comment, but did not know how to do so.  (Must have been some of my friends!!)

Well, the old Shot Maker knows a lot more about the golf swing than he does techy stuff, but I honored Robert's request and looked into it for him.  

Here's what I found out.   At the end of each post there is a link that says "comments".  If you click on that it will open a box where you can make your comments.  It will then ask you to select from a profile so you can finish the post.  All you need to do is go to the bottom and either select "name/url" (something like that, I don't remember the exact term) or "Anonymous".  If you select the "name" link, all you have to do is put your real or fake name in the box, preview and post.  Your comment will show up in the comments section link under the post you made your comment on.

I checked in the back office of the blog site and there are indeed many comments from as recent as last Thursday from someone called "TheBitch".

You can also send me or the Shot Taker a personal email by clicking on the "envelope".  You can and should also "share" the blog posting by clicking on the icon you wish to post on.  For example, selecting "F" will allow you to share on Facebook.  This will allow us to expand our world of goofy golfers!

Let me know if you have any problems, we want you to share your opinions with the world of golf fanatics who follow  http://AShotofGolf.com

Coach
"The Shot Maker"