A couple of thoughts on The Golf Channel and two of its shows. Let’s first start with the Haney Project. Ok, Hank, we know your wife is hot, but do you really need to crowbar her in this show on golf instruction? I’m not going to say it’s not great to watch her paddle around in the ocean wearing a handkerchief and a couple of q-tips, but it is painfully obvious you had her career aspirations written into your contract. My favorite part is when they try and tie her into the rest of the show by having Hank discuss Rush’s progress with her.
“Oh, my, Hank, how fascinating it is to hear you talk about Rush’s reverse pivot. See….. My nipples are hard just talking about it.”
Speaking of Rush, I haven’t studied past pictures of him or anything but I believe that there has been some major work done in his pie hole. Those teeth are not only as white as the snow on the number 1 fairway at Oak Meadow right now, but are jammed into a space to which they absolutely don’t fit. Maybe they are the only thing that can slow down his big mouth, that and a handful of oxycontin.
I truly thought about buying a few pair of Loudmouth shorts to wear while golfing. Now that I’ve seen what a fat guy looks like in those clothes, I’ve officially changed my mind.
But, as much as I hate to admit it, Rush has had me laughing a few times with his assessment of his golf game. When he backed off of a putt and proclaimed that he had no idea how to read a putt, it was pretty funny. He even admitted, as many others could, that he sometimes walks to all sides of a putt like the pros do, but has no clue what the break is going to be or what the hell he is supposed to be looking for. (Coach, as this is one of your specialties, I would love your insight on how to read greens.)
Now, onto “Pipe Dreams”. Where do I start? I have a few questions to say the least. Are we really supposed to believe that the Golf Channel is letting this guy sleep in a tube while they are filming him?
They talk about the dangers of sleeping out there; hell one guy said someone was shooting at him. So we are to buy into the fact that a camera man making 11 bucks an hour is out there with a bullet proof vest on? C’mon. Oh, yeah, and he collects enough cans out of trash cans some days to go out and play a beautiful desert course. What do they pay for aluminum out there? Maybe we’ve been planning this golf trip wrong all of these years. Maybe we should just wing it and spend our mornings collecting cans and the afternoons basking in the glow of our labor. 
But they do a good job of making him appear destitute. Sometimes they leave him unshaven and show him with really greasy hair. Whoooooo, now that’s living on the edge. Does the backwards hat make him look MORE homeless? Maybe turn your hat around and don’t dig through garbage cans of the businesses in which you are trying to gain employment. Oh, shit, I forgot. You don’t actually want employment; you just want to follow your dream of playing on the senior tour. There is enough unintentional comedy just of the shots of him cruising around on his bike to last awhile.
Loose Impediments……….
I like the choice by the USGA to have Davis Love become our next Ryder Cup captain. I hope Ralph Lauren has the folks over at Gore-Tex on his speed dial.
ShotNation’s favorite son Josh Teater has now missed the cut in his first two starts of the year, let’s hope that changes soon.
Jay Cutler has a vagina and that’s all I’m going to say about that.
And one last picture for you old horny golfers...
Until next time, Swing Hard!
The Shot Taker
I think El Rushbo has also put on a few pounds! Don't I remember him being one of the success stories from NutriSystem?
ReplyDeleteMan are you right about those teeth!! You couldn't fit that many teeth in Secretariats mouth. I also like Rush's perfectly balanced belt around his stomach..... Why do old guys wear belts that way?