Meet Target Stallings

I’m sure that you have all seen the stories about Ted Williams the “Golden Throated” homeless man. In addition, we discussed Pipe Dreams, the Golf Channels story of the homeless man trying to become a Champion Tour player. Well, as luck would have it, A Shot Of Golf has uncovered a WORLD EXCLUSIVE. While walking downtown last night I stumbled, literally I tripped over the dude, upon a homeless guy that has a voice from the Gods and a zero handicap. WHAT LUCK!! Here is my interview with our new find, Target Stallings. Please excuse the fact that A Shot of Golf staff members had to black out his face. We are exhausting our resources to make sure he isn’t up on any charges before we unleash our new find on the world. He was a bit surly at first but quickly warmed up:

The Shot Taker: My goodness, it’s great to meet you. How long have you been calling this dumpster your home?

Target Stallings: Oh, not long. And it’s only temporary, you know until I get back on my feet. Plus being near that Chinese Buffet over there, it’s an all you can eat setup.

TST: Is that Moo Goo Gai Pan?

Target: Guilty as charged.

TST: Sweet. Anyway, tell me about your past.

Target: Well, I grew up in Davenport, Florida and found out at an early age that I could talk like a radio guy and also hit a golf ball a mile. After bouncing around the mini tours for awhile I settled in at WRLK in Rochester and things were rolling. I quickly became a favorite among local radio listeners and was also cleaning the fuck -up in local golf scrambles. But……..

TST: But what?

Target: That’s around the same time I found crack.

TST: Crack? Wow, that’s a heavy thing to get going into.

Target:.......... And meth.

TST: Oh, well that’s….

Target: And I played around with hash oil.

TST: Jesus, Man, is that what has caused you to look like you just got out of a sun baked wind tunnel?

Target: Pretty much.

TST: Your teeth. They are black and chipped. Meth got ya?

Target: No, that I have to blame on the Little Debbie Cakes.

TST: Gotcha. Anyway now that you are on the verge of being a star by being featured on this blog what’s the plan?

Target: I’ve never heard of it, do people actually look at this crap?

TST: A few, you know shithead maybe you…….Ok, let’s calm down. Anyway, the plan?

Target: Plan? I thought that’s why your fat ass came over hear and split my Kung Pao. Don’t YOU have a plan? You know, Chubs, there is a reason I’m homeless in the first place; I don’t exactly have it all together.

TST: Right. Ummm,

Target: Cat got your tongue, Tubby?

TST: No, just thinking.

Target: First time for everything. Come back later, maybe Thursday, and we’ll talk more. It’s a good day to be here, Pu Pu Platters are the special and people never eat it all. Bring an appetite. From the looks of you that shouldn’t be a problem.

TST: If I didn’t think I could exploit you, make a few bucks and then kick your ass to the curb like Dr. Phil, I’d choke you with that half eaten egg roll.

Target: Blubs, I can’t imagine you’ve ever done anything with an egg roll that didn’t involve picking your teeth soon after. See you Thursday.


So that’s my first encounter with our new project. I just hope I don’t kill him before we get both his radio career and his golf game back on track. Stay tuned.