Golf has many incarnations. Casual play, tournament play, match play, stroke play, alternate shot, scramble...you name it. But there is one type of play that is in a league of it's own. Couples golf. There's nothing like an old "hit and giggle" to get the inner golfer in you fired up. Where else can you play golf and kiss your partner after she hits one down the middle? Or find out from a lady in your group that she just found a little pocket in her new skirt that you can keep your tee in? I mean, this just doesn't happen in your typical weekend round.
Some random quotes that the Shot Gal has thrown at me during a few hit and giggles this year:
"Why don't you kiss me more?"
"Let me try and hit your driver, you haven't hit it yet."
"Do you always smoke this much during golf?"
"Those couples seem to be having more fun."
"Why do you wiggle your club like that? Oh, sorry go ahead and hit."
"He seems to be complementing her more."
"Can you just try and hit it straight?"
I watched my brother do his best David Ledbetter impression with one of the greatest teaching tools of all time. After ShotInLaw missed her 5th consecutive swing, he put the ball about 3 feet behind the crater she was making. He told her to try and hit the hole and by God she hit the ball. Get this kid on the freaking Golf Channel!
You never really know how serious to be. One never knows how much one of the snobby members will react at letting one of the broads take another whack at the ball following another wiff. I mean, we ARE playing for 8 bucks in merchandise credits. But, the minute you tell them to pick up the fucking ball and lets go for crissakes.....someone yells at you from another hole....."C'mon you prick, it's for fun, let her hit it." Yeah, you probably just want another shot at her ass while granny hits another putt 15 feet past.
But, I will say, me, Mook, ShotGal and Shot in Law have alot of fun. We have the ability to laugh at ourselves and can make fun of each other in the most brutal fashion. We made alot of retard jokes when ShotInLaw bragged about the pocket for her tee. "I keep my tee in here!"
Yes you do, honey. Good job.
Loose Impediments:
I don't think enough was made of the
I'm not sure why I don't like Bubba Watson.
Uh, Tiger, you can still be a Dad and practice your golf. That is the lamest excuse that I've ever heard and I can't believe that you are now the guy reduced to this. Guess what, alot of guys have to something really weird like GO TO A FUCKING JOB and still find time for their kids. Just because you now cant go to Olympic Gardens in Vegas every other week doesn't mean you have to whine about spending time with your kids. Get your ass out on the range and hit some balls.
This is going to sound really racist but it's not meant to be. The LPGA seems weird when half of the players names are spelled like this She-Kai Olakwoudhfkdjijgoijgoij.
And are we POSITIVE that they are all women?
Bernhard Langer sort of creeps me out. I think he may be a robot.
Playing with the boys up in Montgomery tomorrow morning. It'll be good to get the Mishit Mafia's cash again. It's been waaaaay tooooo loooooong.
Also, picking teams for the annual KofC golf scramble. Here is my criteria for ranking players in this event.
D Player: Excited for the second week of August when you can dust off the old clubs for your inaugural round of the year.
C Player: Owns his own clubs and played "in a couple scrambles this year."
B Player: Owns clubs AND shoes.
A Player: Can easily break 90 while bitching about the lack of free keg beer this year.
Coach, give us guys that don't play in a bunch of four man scrambles some ideas. I tend to not play as well in these things as I'd like to.
Until Next Time
SWIZZING HIZZZARD
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