The Lethal Weapon

Haven’t we all had our issues with golf? That four footer for the win, in a stinking 3 dollar Nassau, and it lips out, rolls 6 feet to supply the ammunition for another miss and a lost match. Turning victory in to defeat, enough to make your wife, children and dog run for cover.


Listening to these magical Mel Gibson tapes made me think…..what if Mel had the same conversation, after hitting a couple of tee shots in the water, with Lady Golf……….



Mel: SO JUST F------ LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO MY F------ RANTING. LISTEN TO WHAT YOU DO TO ME.

Lady Golf: Mel, calm down, this isn’t my fault. You hit it in the wat….

Mel: You are pain in the ass!

LG: Me? You are the one ruining it for everyone.

Mel: You make my life so f------ difficult!

LG: Oh, COME ON….

Mel: Why can't you be a game who f------ supports me instead of a sport that sucks off me? And just f------ sucks me dry. And wants, and wants. Go through this relationship if you're a good game and you love me. I don't believe you anymore. I'm sick of your bulls---! Has any relationship ever worked with you? NO!!

LG: Lots of golfers have enjoyed me for a lifetime.

Mel: Shut the f--- up. I know I'm behaving like this because I know absolutely that you do not love me and you treat me with no consideration.

LG: Consideration? I give you “members’ bounces” once in awhile. And, do you think that you chipped in twice last week on your own?

Mel: I love you because I've treated you with every kindness, every consideration. You rejected … you will never be happy. F--- you! Get the f--- away from me! But my sand wedge is important! All right? Now, you have one more chance. And I mean it. Now f------ go if you want, but I will give you one more chance. (huffing with anger) You make me wanna smoke. You f----- my day up. You care about yourself.

LG: I care about all of my golfers.

Mel: When I've been so f------ good to you. You f------ try to destroy me.

LG: You hit two lousy balls in the water…..is this really that important?

Mel: Shut the f--- up! You should just f------ smile and blow me! 'Cause I deserve it.

LG: Blow you? I’m not real you know…..I think you should take a week or two off as we agreed.

Mel: Who the f--- cares? We agreed nothing

Seems like a pretty normal day at some courses.



Practice continues for this weekend’s qualifier. I’m playing at Oak Meadow tomorrow and Thursday at the tourney site.



Until next time….

SWING HARD………….ANNNNNND BLOOOOOOOOW MEEEEEEEEEEE!!

The Shot Taker